You made me cry and you don't even care
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
