I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
