His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
