garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
