I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
