oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
