i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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