So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
