oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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