went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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