He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
