glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
