Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
