Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
