i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
