drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
