I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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