i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
