wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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