So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
