I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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