I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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