i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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