So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
