I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
