So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
