a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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