Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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