a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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