She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
