they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
