i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
foreskin is a definite game changer
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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