you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
