Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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