All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
