he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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