Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
