we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
