I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
