we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
