do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
