oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
