Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
