wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
