I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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