I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We are two peas in an std pod
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
