Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
