Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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