So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We are all done wearing pants today
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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