So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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