I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
